Catch-22

by Gargi Parashar

 

 “It’s Zoey’s third potty call since morning and all were fake.” I heard the not so amused voice of my friend over the phone as she stated the biggest calamity of the day. One thing I cannot understand with parents (especially in India) is why they fret so much about everything related to their kids and somehow even smallest of the things concerning them is blown so much out of proportion.  I probably will understand once I have my own kids but as of now I derive my pleasure in talking about the fuss created. It’s a vicious cycle, they don’t crap so they don’t eat, they don’t eat so they get cranky, they get cranky so they don’t sleep, they don’t sleep so they don’t let you sleep, you don’t sleep so you get cranky, you get cranky so you yell at your spouse, you yell at your partner so he/she yells back at you and the cycle continues. “Yeeepppiii”, finally my friend decides to get delighted after talking to me for 10 minutes when her daughter decided to release her dump. Thank God a catastrophe was averted in her house as Zoey decided to ease down the adrenaline pumping my friends’ heart over the potty issue.

Zoey is a very vivacious, charming and beautiful two and a half year old daughter of my dearest friend. She has a mind of her own but like most parents my friend usually tries to reason with it. Zoey has recently joined a play school and she rocks at it. Apart from rocking the school she also succeeds in rocking the worries of my friend thereby making her life so eventful. It is either Zoey eating too much at school or Zoey not eating anything at home. Either Zoey has learnt a new dance step watching some cheap Hindi Bollywood song or she is blowing flying kisses to everybody in the park because that’s a new thing she has picked up and enjoys practicing on anybody looking at her.

I often hear my friend complaining, “You do not know what it is to raise a daughter; they just grow up so fast. She is getting naughtier by day. It’s so difficult to manage her. She is just two and already the boys in park have started hitting (she meant compliments) upon her, can you imagine…small boys riding their tricycles. I just wonder what will happen when she grows up. How will I manage the guys around her? ” (My friend usually forgets what she was and how many guys she had in her life over the course of her journey from tricycles to cars, from school bags to salary cheques and from being a naughty kid to become a doting parent.)

Other grave concerns also keep surfacing time and again in my poor friend’s so eventful life. “Zoey eats only when in the bath tub.” “Just finished feeding my little highness, Queen is now asleep. Oh no, she is up again.” “I couldn’t sleep. Zoey pushed me off the bed. Twice I got up because I was about to fall from the bed. I spent the night huddled up in a corner of my bed.” But usually it is either the food or the crappy issue that is a major point of concern. (After all both are related in some way.) Recently I received a message from my friend stating the latest point of distress in her life. “Just made fried potato for Zoey. She finally accepted those after rejecting Banana, Porridge, Papaya, Biscuits, Cake, Milk and Eggs.” (Well that’s a long menu for rejection, I agree.)

The two and a half year old recently learnt to recite “I Love You”. She still fumbles with her sentences and cannot even pronounce words properly, but probably her I Love You surpasses all the love sonnets I have ever heard. Initially as my friend encouraged her to speak the three wonderful words, now she started curbing her lest Zoey may proclaim her love to the world, to everybody in the neighborhood and park. (Madam is just too jealous to let “Her Precious” be exposed to the world.)

Well my friend’s dilemma over raising her child continues and probably will continue. Just as all parents she is and will keep getting hassled over smallest of the issues concerning her kid even when the kid is no longer a kid. After all, kids will always be kids to their parents.

But I would like to tell my friend to relax and take it easy on herself. Zoey will come out to be a fine lass and she is doing a great job being a parent.